Man & Women Jokes

Man & Woman Jokes WOMAN The best way of describing a woman is to use a ball. >>At 18, she is a football - 22 men going after her. >>At 28, she is a hockey ball - 8 men after her. >>At 38, she is a golf ball - 1 man after her. >>At 48, she is a Ping-Pong ball - 2 men pushing to each other. What woman think about sex >>At age 8 ignore it. >>At age 18 experience it. >>At age 28 look for it. >>At age 38 ask for it. >>At age 48 beg for it. >>At age 58 pay for it. >>At age 68 pray for it. >>At age 78 forget it! MAN The best way of describing a man is to compare him to fruits. >>At 20 - A man is like a coconut; so much to offer, so little to give. >>At 30 - He is like a durian; dangerous but delicious. >>At 40 - He is like a water-melon; big, round & juicy. >>At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange; the season comes once in a year. >>At 60 - He is just like a raisin; dried out, wrinkled & cheap. Man's sexual chemistry >>At 20s thrice weekly >>At 30s tries weekly >>At 40s tries weakly >>At 50s tries & tries >>At 60s tries& cries >>At 70s tries & dies! >>---------------------------------------------------------------------- The man discovered WEAPONS and invented HUNTING, > the woman discovered HUNTING and invented FURS. The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT, > the woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP. The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION, > the woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP. The man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS, > the woman discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY. The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD, > the woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET. The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE, > the woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE. The man discovered WOMEN and invented SEX, > the woman discovered SEX and invented HEADACHES. The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY, > the woman discovered MONEY and that's when it all got f#@$ed up. >>---------------------- HE: I'm a photographer i've been looking for a face like yours! > SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon.i've been looking for a face like yours!!! HE: Hi! Didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice? > SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice!!! HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance? > SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!! HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? > SHE: I must've been given your share!!! HE: Is it hot in here or is it just you? > SHE: It's hot!!! HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday? > SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!! HE: Your face must turn a few heads! > SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs!!! HE: Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out! > SHE: Okay, get out!!! HE: I think I could make you very happy > SHE: Why? Are you leaving? HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me? > SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!! HE: Can I have your name? > SHE: Why, don't you already have one? HE: Shall we go and see a film? > SHE: I've already seen it!!! HE: Do you think it was fate which brought us together? > SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!! Man: Where have you been all my life? > Woman: Hiding from you. Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? > Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? > Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: So, what do you do for a living? > Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? > Woman: Do not enter. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? > Woman: Unfertilized. Man: Your body is like a temple. > Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. > Woman: But would you stay there? Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. > Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Man: Where have you been all my life? > Woman: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams.